I’m sitting here getting ready for counseling, and I already know what the hell is coming. We’re not skimming the surface today. Not talking about work stress, not talking about the calls, not talking about the easy shit I can package up and hand over without really feeling it. No… today she’s going to dig. Straight into the childhood trauma. The stuff I’ve spent years dodging, deflecting, minimizing—whatever the hell I had to do to keep it boxed up and buried where it “belon

Well, the 24-hour shift came and went. Didn’t even go home afterward—I stuck around trying to rack up some clinical hours, but nothing worthwhile came in. Somehow, in what I can only assume was a lapse of common sense, I decided picking up a six-hour overnight shift to cover a call-off was a good idea. And why stop there? I also grabbed an eight-hour shift at another department to cover a hole in their schedule. Because apparently, sleep is optional when you’re trying to surv

Officially home from vacation. Bags are unpacked, routine is creeping back in, and in a few hours I’m heading back in for my first shift. Vacation always feels like stepping into another world for a minute. Slower pace. Different headspace. Then you come back and the brain flips right back into “alright… let’s do this again.” I’ve been trying to keep something from vacation going though: actually slowing my brain down for a few minutes a day. I’ve been focusing on meditation

Last full day of vacation. I fly out tomorrow. Honestly… I feel pretty damn good. Somewhere in the middle of this trip I caught myself smiling for no reason. Not the fake “customer service” smile we all do on scene or in public. Just a random, real one. That kind that sneaks up on you when your brain finally unclenches a little. That hasn’t happened in a while. Today was simple in the best way. Had lunch with some more friends, walked around a cute little neighborhood, took m

I’m currently on vacation. Actually trying to decompress for once — not the bullshit “I’m on vacation but still working like an idiot” kind. More like the semi-functional version. I’m still checking a few emails and taking the occasional phone call, but it’s minimal. Just enough to keep shit from completely falling apart while I’m gone. I’ve been having some damn good dinners with friends, catching up, laughing, and remembering what it feels like to exist outside the constant